The Thing About Grief

There’s a funny thing about grief. A funny thing about grief that after so many years of carrying that weight the absence of a loved one leaves in its stead, it becomes so familiar, so embedded in every cell of our bodies. It becomes our most familiar self because in time we not only know it by name, we can recognize it in ourselves when we look in the mirror. There’s a funny thing about grief, that though so unbearable is the pain of seeing a loved one in your dreams it is even more intolerable waking up to never seeing them again. 

And after many years have gone and eradicated their voice away, their scent, their presence, the only thing that stays is the grief that never loses its grip. There’s a funny thing about grief because after all the memories start fading away one by one the reality is that one holds on to that grief instead because it is all that truly remains connecting us to that one who came and left a void never to be filled. It’s going to be more than 20 years now since you've been gone and though sometimes the grief feels like it was just today I saw you lying in that coffin, I am more afraid of the days when I don’t feel it because the truth is, I just don’t know who I am if I’m not grieving you.