Lose the Map, Find Yourself

What do two people do who waited in the freezing cold for hours only to realize the bus that they were waiting on doesn’t have room for them? They lose the map and find themselves. 

Danilo turning to the left, to the left (props to you if you get it). Looking nostalgic, perhaps thinking of Patrick.

Watching Prague go by as we don our matching hats. Disclaimer** No bunnies were destroyed in the making of the hats.

Aside from all the silliness, yesterday was sort of an object lesson for me. I have always been the type of person that likes to plan ahead. I always have a schedule for my daily routine and "appointments". I always had my life planned up to a year, and I always knew what I wanted in life. Well, I am 29 years old now and for the first time in my life I cannot make up my mind on what it is I truly want for myself. I have absolutely no idea what I will be doing or even where I will be for that matter in the next month. And while it is a great recipe for adventure and living life on the edge, at some point I gotta stop and ask myself, what is it that I really want to do with my life?

As we rode on the tram yesterday, I kept thinking, "where are we going?" "we are leaving the city, we may not find anything interesting out here" "I should just look at google maps and find something where we can eat". However, in the end I opted for not giving it a second thought and yes, to just enjoy the ride. I lost myself looking out the window, watching the people go by on their daily life. A grandma cleaning her windows. A couple holding hands, walking on the street while she looked up at him with that smile that you just know, she is in love. I saw people walking to the west and to the east. I saw a father playing with his children at a park, bouncing up and down on a trampoline  And I saw for the first time, what life really is. It is people getting older,  people having children, people falling in love, and people rushing to and from work. Life is a cycle and and we all go through it. The difference lies in how we choose to go through it. 

While I still do not have the answers I am seeking at this moment, I just know that for now, how I choose to go through life is by never stopping to feel like every day is an adventure. 

Snows of Kilimanjaro

One of the most daunting realizations I've ever come to have is that I can do anything I set my mind to. I can travel the world even when I have no money in my savings account. I can now run 5K everyday when I could barely run for 5 minutes. I can live in another country and make close friends even when I don't speak the language. Anyone can do anything  they set their mind to except, make someone love them---- that being said, I've decided I'm going to climb Mount Kilimanjaro this September.

Why Kilimanjaro and not Everest? Simple, I once read a short story written by my fellow Ernest Hemingway titled, "The Snows of Kilimanjaro" and he's also the one that said, "There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self."

So, in an attempt at being superior to my former self I've determined to conquer this mountain. 

Diaries of South Korea

I have now entered my 8th month of living in South Korea. So far, I have written subjective thoughts about what it's like being here. I think it's time I write something more neutral for anyone that is wanting to get a glimpse of this country. I find it very interesting- for lack of a better word- that most Americans are terrible with geography and history. Before leaving America, upon being asked where I was going, I'd say “Korea”. For me it was simple. It was obvious it was South Korea, because really, we should all know the situation between North and South Korea. Right? Right. 

Anyway, I am in South Korea. The first 6 months were the hardest. Culture shock? Adapting to new people? I think it had to do more with the work schedule. First class started at 7am and last class ended at 9:10pm. Mind you, I had a 3 hour break from 12pm-3pm for lunch and a quick nap. 

Not only was the schedule a nightmare but being an introvert, an INTP at that, I found it exhausting having to constantly deal with people the whole day. So weekends would come, and I would not leave my bed unless it was to grab some food or go to the bathroom. 

This is not what I had signed up for, I thought every single day as I woke up to go to work. Though, everyday I thought that was the day I would break my contract and leave, I didn't do it. I vowed I would see my commitment through because, after all, that had been one of the main reasons I had signed a one-year contract; to learn commitment. 

It is now April 3rd and I have finally began to embrace my life here in Korea. I have not been to many places outside of Seoul but I will mention the few areas I have been to and that I really enjoy frequenting. 

 Myengdong 

This area is for the avid shopper. It is an oasis of clothing stores, beauty shops, electronics, boutiques, and the best of all, food street vendors. Here you will find two H&M’s on the same street, a forever 21, Zara,  Nike store, UniQlo, among others. For beauty shops you will find, the Body Shop, the Aritaum, and Etude House, of course these are only some among many. 

Now on to the food street vendors. They start setting up around 4pm or so. As I am a vegetarian there isn't many food options for me here but I do find that I can eat fried bananas, fried cheese, strawberries covered in their famous red bean custard (or whatever it is called). All of these cost about 3,000 won. Oh and I can't forget about the roasted chestnuts! Newfound deliciousness. For meat lovers they sell all kinds of things, from chicken to squid, to crab. 

Also if you love cats or dogs, they have many cafes where you can mingle with any of these lovely animals for a de-stressing time after so much shopping and eating.

 Hongdae 

This is not typically my favorite but it's an up and coming hipster area. You'll see young Asian men and women dressed in the most eccentric fashion. There is a university located here, hence the young population. While there is room for shopping, Hongdae is best well known for their night scene. However, if you are older than 28 years old you may as well go find another place to hang out because (as some of my students told me) most nightclubs will not let you in if you are older than 28. Also, if you are looking for a place to do something new with your hair, I feel I must mention the hair salon Soonsiki. After looking for a trustworthy place to make a change with my hair color, I found this place. The guy named BK- or Bek- as he calls himself, is a top notch hairstylist. He speaks good English and is confident about doing the job right. Just be aware that it is not very cheap. Though after seeing what he did with my hair, I felt every penny I paid was worth it. 

 Itaewon 

This area is mostly known for all the expats living there. You'll find yourself surrounded by many foreigners, so much so that for a split second you'll wonder if you have left Korea. You can find the best places to eat, great Mexican food made by a Korean guy- he lived in Guadalajara, Mexico for one year. Also, a vegetarian bean burger at a pub called the Wolfhound. For vegans there is a cafe called Plant. And for those not willing to be adventurous you can always find your regular American restaurants such as On the Border, Outback Steakhouse, etc.

 Insadong 

To be honest, I don't really like this area too much, but as a foreigner visiting once is enough. Here you can buy all the souvenirs you need. Traditional candies, keychains, and the opportunity to dress in traditional Korean clothes (Hanbok) and get your pictures taken. 

These are the areas I have frequented the most. My favorite is Myengdong. I like to get lost in the crowd and go unnoticed while I enjoy some fried bananas! South Korea has a lot to offer.

A Weakness so Strong

In the loneliest hours of the night I lie awake, hearing the melody of a song being played in my head like the parting words of a recent lost love. Each year I learn that I haven't learned a thing. My only comfort lies in the fact that my heart is getting stronger. Up until now, I had not known how much drive I could have once I put all my feelings into good use. Emotions are overrated. We only accept the positive ones and reject with disgust the negative ones. But why? We were all endowed with the same emotions, positive and negative. Not necessarily good and bad. There is a time for everything, as my fellow Solomon says. So why is it that when we are the most sad or angry we try to suppress those emotions? They're a coping mechanism for our mental health if we know how to control them. The problem lies when we allow these emotions to take control over us. Over the past year I've learned a valuable lesson. Knowledge will never defeat infatuation. The mind knows but the heart feels and sadly, it always has the last word. Until it needs rescuing. Mind over matter then. Time to patch up the wounds and let time do what it does best.
The rarity is finding within you a weakness so strong you didn't know you had. And seeing through your own tears a future so bright that pushes you to finally take the leap into the unknown of a beginning.

“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭56:8‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Memories

So my birthday came and went. Lucky for me, this year I got to celebrate it twice. I celebrated with much cake here in Korea and the second day with many texts and FaceTime calls from friends and family a day behind back in America. Needless to say, turning a year older has brought on the need to reminisce about my life. The good and the bad. Though as I lie in bed now, I realize my memories are faded. Bits and pieces, here and there. How, I wonder, would I know who I am without my memories? Memories are the choices I've made in the past. Memories are the consequences of my actions. Memories are the events that made me laugh and made me cry. Memories are the ones that make me binge on episodes of Gilmore Girls simply because they remind me of my past life. I know it's said that "our past doesn't define us", however, it does. It is what we choose to do with our past choices, in our present, that defines us. 

From depression to attempted suicide, from drugs to mission trips; I never want to forget. I never want to forget what it was like to live without God in my life... 

"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it."-- George Santayana

From the earth

Sometimes it is hard to sit still and listen.

Coming to Korea, technically under the label of "missionary" nonetheless to work while getting paid enough to pay back my student loans, i didn't really know what to expect as a servant of God. Many "friends" on Facebook didn't hold back from mentioning either, how I would only be considered a missionary once I was in countries where Christians are being persecuted for their faith. Therefore, if I wasn't having to hide the fact that I was a Christian or if I wasn't outwardly calling myself anything else but a missionary then I really wasn't being a real missionary. While this hit me hard, I realized I started believing it. "I'm not a missionary" I started telling myself. "I'm getting paid, I can travel," missionaries can't do that. However, each Friday night I'd get together with a group of students wanting to practice their English or simply make up an absence from class, I started realizing the need for a real true missionary in a fast developing country such as South Korea. No, I do not have to hide the fact that I believe in a living God. No I do not have to fear for my life as a Christian. I do however, see that more than 50% of the students are not happy. They have admitted to their lack of self fulfillment and their lack of peace, as well as their unbelief in God. While I have never been one to force anything upon anyone, whether good or bad, I can only see myself doing the best I can. And that is to share what I know to be true, God has been the answer to everything in my life.

Growing up in a Christian home did not guarantee my belief in God. It most certainly did not stir up an undivided love for Him either. In fact, it was what I felt pushed me to the opposite edge, seeking a life where there was no God. I do not know with certainty what choice in my life caused the domino effect that led me to wander in darkness; all I know is that at my lowest God called me and I listened. I came to know God. Not for what I had been told my entire childhood, and not for what I had learned in church. I came to know Him because I was willing to get to know Him. 

Sometimes I look at my life, and I look at us called Christians, and I realize if we truly lived in harmony with God's will we wouldn't need to preach. We wouldn't need to convince anyone that God is real. It would simply just come to show. Many people are unhappy. Unsatisfied. Miserable. There are things going on in the world that are devastating to any human heart. And since some can't come up with a clear, logical answer as to why so much evil, so much suffering, they choose to blame it on God. "Religion causes wars" they say. It makes me wonder, how much of our worldview is subjective rather than objective? We are in this world together. As a true believer of God I am not automatically granted with a perfect, loving nature. It does however give me the knowledge I need to represent the character of the God I believe in. My job here in Korea is not to convert atheists to a religion, it is not to point wrong from right, but rather to glorify God in everything I do. The rest will simply follow. 

"Be still and know that I am God" Psalm 46:10

What have I been doing since I arrived in South Korea? 

That's easy to guess- eating. 

There are so many places to eat here. Restaurant after restaurant. I wish I had a bigger stomach so I could never stop eating. 

My first encounter with obstacles was when all my options for a meal had meat. I have been a vegetarian for the past 3 years now. It's been great. Until you come to Korea. I had never known of people eating so much meat. 

Girls are stylish. I'm surprised to see so many wear short skirts, dresses, and shorts. I mean I always had the impression that Asians felt more conservative in that way. (Ignorance on my part of course). 

The heat/humidity it is unbearable. Probably so because I have been walking a lot. Being from California where we only walk from our front door to the car, it's been quite overwhelming dealing with the sweat generated by this unforgivable heat and humidity. But if you're a food lover like me then the food totally compensates for it. 

Although I have been enjoying everything Korean, the small part of American in me was elated when I found Starbucks at my disposition just half a mile from where I am. I suppose when the culture shock finally hits me, Starbucks will be my place of consolation. 

For now, I'm soaking in the feeling of being a foreigner, the feelings of amazement at all the unknown things and have I mentioned the delicious food? Yeah, traveling is awesome. 

"There will always be the unknown. There will always be the unprovable. But faith confronts those frontiers with a thrilling leap. Then life becomes vibrant with adventure!"- Robert Schuller